Meet the Jolly Family!
In the Jolly household, I am the beaming mom of Diana, age 10; Max, age 8; Miya, age 9; and “Bob”, age 3 whom we are currently fostering. It has been a long road for my children. Before being adopted just this last year, two of my children were in care for 2,798 days and another in care for 6.5 years. My mother, Annie, also lives with us and is an integral part of our household.
When I first started the adoption process, I did not set out to specialize in children with high medical needs. But I discovered that we have a system that works occasionally well - and occasionally not so well - for a majority of children. Along the way I’ve learned that the system is not designed well to manage what I call “unicorns”, children that don’t quite fit into the mold. Fortunately, that is where I come in!
My children light up my life. Diana is a born leader whom I’m convinced will run the world one day. She is very artistic, with the mind of an engineer and a master-level wit and honesty. Max must be the most creative child I’ve ever met. He is surely the world’s next Stan Lee – as he is all about superheroes, all day, all the time. Our affectionate Miya started out with the very well-suited nickname of “lovey.” She just wants to love on you; everyone who meets her falls immediately in love with her. Dear little Bob is a fighter. He came to us originally with the expectation that he would either soon return to a hospital, or worse. Instead, he’s now thriving to the best of his ability and has already been in our family for 2 years now!
I am particularly grateful to the Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) program in our area for their contributions to our adoptions. They have been instrumental in consistently advocating for my children. In fact, they seem like the only entity without an outside agenda and focused solely on the best interests of the children. Granted, agendas are important for professionals. It’s just that those agendas may not always align with what’s best for kids. I really feel like our C.A.S.A. truly works for my kids.
One of the challenges in our area, that is also endemic across the nation and would benefit from national response, is more education and training for decision makers. The only people in the process that are required to have actual mental health experience and trauma-informed training with children are social workers. Everybody else, like attorneys, judges, etc. have virtually no requirements and children get moved around like shoes on a shelf. As long as the box of shoes is in a safe, dry spot, these folks can feel that their job is done. While basic needs are obviously critically important, the psycho social needs of these children are also critically important. I think this is a cause that Congress could rally around and support.
‘To me as a parent, family means true, unconditional love. I am mommy #8 for one child, mommy #6 for another, and so on. So, when they tell me, “You’re the best mommy ever” they’ve got some background and context to draw upon! The children and I all now share the last name “Jolly” but my son pointed out the other day that, “We’re not just Jolly! We’re also O’Braryans, Millers, Williams, Kratz’, and Sparlings” which are the family names of all of my extended relatives. I think his comment is an important reminder that adoption is not just about one household; it’s really about welcoming children into something that can be so much bigger.
