Meet the Cox Family!
Our relationship with our adoptive daughter Lydia was rather unique. I served as her Mentor briefly, transitioned to Foster Mom, and subsequently permanence. She was five when she entered the foster care system, seven when we met her, and nine when she gained permanence.
Entering into a foster system at the age of five is traumatic enough. However, much more traumatic was living in a group home until we rescued her from any further egregious experiences there. There are five members in our immediate family. Two adult kids are outside the home but are an integral part of the family dynamics. We are a normal family and spend a lot of time together. We do a lot of things together such as staycations in Florida, day trips to Florida National Parks, and visits with her older siblings. Lydia’s sister helps her with math lessons and her brother spoils her with pretty sneakers.
Our daughter has a personality that makes her easy to love. It wasn’t always so. We experienced a number of challenges. As a product of the foster care system myself in New York, it was very difficult to deal with the behaviors, which were triggers for me. She has transformed into a beautiful, kind, young lady and is liked by everyone. She loves to dance and cook and wants to become a chef.
There were a number of essential people in our adoption story. Our family members, including our adult children, were all on board with our desire to adopt. Lisa Miller, Lydia’s then Guardian Ad Litem and now Godmother, my friends who I met while I was in the Army, DaNette Dinkins and Belinda Robins (Godmother), and Linda Graham provided daily support throughout the process.
From mentor, to foster to permanence took less than two years; in part, because we did everything we were supposed to do, and the biological mom sanctioned it. The obstacles were the failures of the system that traumatized our child and challenged our family dynamics. The disclosure of abuse was devastating. I cried for a week.
It was a happy day when the judge declared us her parents. Life after permanency is strategic and intentional. We have found ways to mitigate behaviors by providing dance lessons, tutoring, trips, etc. We plan to take family trips once COVID subsides. We have established our daughter’s future well-being to ensure it outshines her trauma.
Our federal government can enact legislation to support states with the permanency process. For example, the system should ensure that when they remove children from their homes; they place children in well-vetted foster homes. They should not place children under the age of ten in group homes. Disclosures need to come sooner so that potential adoptive parents can be better informed about the child they may be adopting.
Permanence of our family means authenticity of our union. In addition, we no longer have to deal with a faulty system and we can focus on making a difference in our daughter’s life.
Lydia writes, “My favorite memory with my permanent family was when we took a family trip to Universal Studios with Auntie T…. I knew I was home. I was good!”
