Meet the John Family!
“It feels as if they have always been a part of us.”
Childhood impressions can be long-lasting. Reading “The Family that Nobody Wanted” as a young girl inspired Tammy John’s decision to adopt someday. In more recent years, she and husband Frank would feel the tug on their parental hearts whenever they saw a “Wednesday’s Child” TV segment. Then, when their youngest child Spencer, at age 9, expressed the wish for a younger brother, the couple decided that “someday” had arrived.
With 6 children ages 9-23, Tammy and Frank expanded their family by taking in two young children: Jonathan, age 2 -1/2, and his baby brother Carsten, almost 1. These little guys brought new challenges to these experienced parents.
The Johns had been told that Jonathan was hearing impaired. They soon realized, “He had no form of communicating with us except to scream, tantrum, and resistance to our affection. He was an emotional wreck.”
Baby brother Carsten presented puzzles of a different sort. At age 11 months, he did not know how to eat, interact, play, or express emotions. “He never cried. He sat in front of toys, never exploring or playing with them. We immediately began to intervene with multiple therapies, which continue to this day.”
Ten months after the boys’ arrival, a baby girl was born to their birth mother and placed into the home of a friend. When that didn’t work out, family members asked if the Johns would take little Kathleen (“Katie”). Wanting to keep the siblings together, they consented.
With skillful parents and attentive older sisters and brothers, the newest John children have made much progress. Jonathan, age 5, is tender-hearted, active, and sociable. He enjoys learning, looking through books, and being read to, as well as playing outdoors. Carsten, age 3, still delayed in many areas, wins over everyone he meets with his cute personality. His interests include Lightning McQueen, race cars, and riding his therapy horse. Katie, age 2, is quite the talker, speaking in sentences as early as eighteen months. Katie is busy exploring her world, as 2-year-olds should.
The Johns demonstrate compassion for their children’s birth family members. They maintain contact with the children’s maternal grandmother and have allowed the birth mother to see Katie. Frank and Tammy found it difficult to witness the boys’ father’s pain as he relinquished his parental rights, stating his sons would have ‘a better life’ with the Johns. They have reached out to him, and await a reply.
Post-adoption support, especially Medicaid as a secondary insurance, has enabled the Johns to provide needed medical treatments and ongoing therapies. They would like to see post-adoption benefits include vouchers for private education, as the public system offers few choices for bilateral cochlear implant patients.
The Johns ask members of Congress to recognize that the tremendous emotional challenges of foster children don’t end when they are adopted. “For every year a child has been traumatized, three years are needed to recover. Adoptive parents need support to help break the cyclical trauma of abuse.”
In spite of the hurdles, the Johns maintain a positive view of their adoption journey. Tammy states, “We as older parents have been abundantly blessed. We cannot envision our lives without our adoptive children. It feels as if they have always been a part of us.” Frank agrees that adoption is the most difficult yet most rewarding experience. “Together, with perseverance and commitment, as a family you unravel the feelings of abandonment, loss of trust and hopelessness, to begin the healing process together.”
To witness the smiles on these children’s faces is to know that the healing has begun.
